This is How it Works

I cannot believe I’m actually about to say this. I can’t believe I even have to… but here goes: PEOPLE OF THE LGBT COMMUNITY – PLEASE STOP SHITTING ON STRAIGHT PEOPLE. Ah, there, I said it, like ripping off a band-aid. Before you immediately jump on the offensive and say something to the effect of “Not all men!” I would like to make it clear that I know it’s not all of us. I know plenty of people who aren’t. But unfortunately, it is a trend I have noticed recently, and I just wanted to open a dialogue on it. I understand that this disclaimer will not stop people from cursing my name and getting angry in comments, but I just thought I’d explain a bit first. So! Onwards! Look, I get it – we’re finally in a place where we feel we have a voice. We can stand up and say, “NEVER AGAIN” and that is amazing. But that never gives us the right to suddenly turn around and start doing to them what some of them still do to us, especially as most of them aren’t doing anything

So in the past year of not updating this blog, working, and trying to figure out what's going on in my head, I've had a lot of time to think. Think about who I am, what I want, how to get it, and why I am the way I am. I also spent a lot of time coping with my innermost struggles, and this obviously  involves my anxiety, because what else am I going to use this blog for, if not discussing my mental health? Anyway, during the year, I've taken to writing down the most common thoughts that spring to mind during panic attacks, or stressful moments, or even when everything's fine but I can still feel the anxiety hiding around the corner. So, here are some extracts from the list of thoughts: Is my vision getting worse, or am I just anxious? Stress headache, again. Fun. Stop thinking about it. Just breathe. Count your heartbeats. Am I actually as terrible as I think I am? Wow, I really dislike myself. I have to stop making jokes about suicide, it makes people un

I am not a romantic person. I never have been, and I almost certainly never will be, and that honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest. I am perfectly content with being blasé about love. Of course, I don't like anything to do with over-the-top romance, which means that I don't like Rom-Coms. I don't like unrealistic stories, and chick flicks are almost always too contrived for me to enjoy them. However, there are a few that I have seen and actually loved, because they are believable and honest and well-written and actually romantic, as opposed to what Hollywood deems to be so. Usually, these relationships are in TV shows, because they spend time fleshing them out, which ends up with me adoring them. But every now and then a movie comes along that I genuinely enjoy for the cheesy romantic nonsense that it is. Personally, I can't stand  grand romantic gestures. I think they're sappy and cloying, and they put pressure on the person receiving them, especiall

Hey guys! I know I haven't posted in an unforgivably long time, so for those of you who actually follow this blog, I am very sorry. There's been a lot of personal stuff going on in the last year and I really haven't had the mental or even physical resolve to sit down and write about my innermost feelings: largely because I have no idea what I am feeling. With the exception of fear. I have been more anxious this year than almost any other year in my life, and maybe one day I'll be comfortable with talking about it on the internet with a bunch of faceless strangers, but today is not that day. So instead, I want to talk about how my anxiety has made me feel this past year. I was trying to think of a way to explain my anxiety the other day and I have come to the staunch conclusion that there is no ONE way to describe it. I have to jumble my analogies, or "get all my ducks on the same page". See, it's funny because I mixed metaphors, and- *ahem* You know wh

Four hours ago, the announcement was made - the 13th Doctor, Peter Capaldi's successor, the next in a long line of incredible Doctors would be........................ Jodie Whittaker? I like Jodie Whittaker. I liked her in "Broadchurch". I liked her in "St Trinian's". I liked "Tess of the D'Urbervilles". I am not sure I like her for this part. I know, I know, if I DO like her for the part, I am a feminazi who deserves to be flogged, and if I DON'T my feminist instincts tell me I am being a regressive arsehole. Unfortunately, I can't help it. I need to get something straight first. I LOVE DOCTOR WHO . No, see, I don't think you get it - I LOVE Doctor Who . If I hadn't had Doctor Who when I was growing up, I don't think I'd be alive right now to write this - it stopped me from killing myself more than once.  It got me through some of my lowest points, and made some of my highest points even better. When in

Okay, so let me tell you about today. This morning, I can't really remember why, or what triggered it, I decided I wanted to know more about 9/11. Sadly, because it happened just at the point where I don't really remember it, I've always been aware of its existence but never really known the full scope of it.  So today, I spent the morning googling the whole thing - I read up on the planes, the rescue operations and President Bush. I watched news coverage of the whole day. I watched the movie United 93 , about the fourth plane that went down in a field in Pennsylvania when the passengers tried to take it back from the hijackers. I watched a documentary called Voices From Inside the Towers all about the victims who called 911, called their loved ones, called their friends and families in the moments before they died.  In total, the four attacks killed 2,996 people and injured 6,000 more, and caused billions of dollars of damage, as well as causing immense terror ac

It has not been a great few weeks. Actor Powers Boothe, musician Chris Cornell, and Jame Bond even to the last, Roger Moore have died. Zack Snyder has taken a step back from directing to grieve the suicide of his daughter which occurred in March. Bodyguards for the Turkish president attacked protesters in Washington DC. A man mocked and punched a guy with cerebral palsy in the face for no reason, completely unprompted, just because he could.  Karl Oliver used the term "lynched" when describing the removal of racist monuments, apparently having never heard of the concept of irony: A man was only given 240 days in prison for drugging and raping his sister. Yes, that actually happened this week, because we apparently live in caveman times. Dani Mathers, who you may remember a year ago took a picture of a naked 71-year-old woman in a locker room with the caption "If I can't unsee this, you can't either", went to court to ple