This is How it Works

So in the past year of not updating this blog, working, and trying to figure out what's going on in my head, I've had a lot of time to think. Think about who I am, what I want, how to get it, and why I am the way I am. I also spent a lot of time coping with my innermost struggles, and this obviously  involves my anxiety, because what else am I going to use this blog for, if not discussing my mental health? Anyway, during the year, I've taken to writing down the most common thoughts that spring to mind during panic attacks, or stressful moments, or even when everything's fine but I can still feel the anxiety hiding around the corner. So, here are some extracts from the list of thoughts: Is my vision getting worse, or am I just anxious? Stress headache, again. Fun. Stop thinking about it. Just breathe. Count your heartbeats. Am I actually as terrible as I think I am? Wow, I really dislike myself. I have to stop making jokes about suicide, it makes people un

I am not a romantic person. I never have been, and I almost certainly never will be, and that honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest. I am perfectly content with being blasé about love. Of course, I don't like anything to do with over-the-top romance, which means that I don't like Rom-Coms. I don't like unrealistic stories, and chick flicks are almost always too contrived for me to enjoy them. However, there are a few that I have seen and actually loved, because they are believable and honest and well-written and actually romantic, as opposed to what Hollywood deems to be so. Usually, these relationships are in TV shows, because they spend time fleshing them out, which ends up with me adoring them. But every now and then a movie comes along that I genuinely enjoy for the cheesy romantic nonsense that it is. Personally, I can't stand  grand romantic gestures. I think they're sappy and cloying, and they put pressure on the person receiving them, especiall

Hey guys! I know I haven't posted in an unforgivably long time, so for those of you who actually follow this blog, I am very sorry. There's been a lot of personal stuff going on in the last year and I really haven't had the mental or even physical resolve to sit down and write about my innermost feelings: largely because I have no idea what I am feeling. With the exception of fear. I have been more anxious this year than almost any other year in my life, and maybe one day I'll be comfortable with talking about it on the internet with a bunch of faceless strangers, but today is not that day. So instead, I want to talk about how my anxiety has made me feel this past year. I was trying to think of a way to explain my anxiety the other day and I have come to the staunch conclusion that there is no ONE way to describe it. I have to jumble my analogies, or "get all my ducks on the same page". See, it's funny because I mixed metaphors, and- *ahem* You know wh