Photo Album

This is where I will post photos from my daily life as it changes and moves forward.

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Panophobia

Panophobia. The fear of everything. Not actually defined in any medical capacity - you can't be diagnosed with Panophobia. But I can tell you now: I have Panophobia. And it's odd because I know people who would roll their eyes, "Yeah, whatever," and I suppose on some level, I understand where that attitude comes from. Yes, I am panphobic, I am afraid of everything, but in some ways I'm not. For example, I personally, rationally, am not afraid of dying, but catch me after watching a horror movie with the urine soaked trousers, and you'll find me of a different opinion. Catch me looking at a shark, same thing. Rationally I am not scared of ANYTHING. But when you talk about fear you're not really being rational, are you? So I have friends who are terrified of snakes, and spiders and scorpions, Oh My! And I roll my eyes, and of course I shouldn't, because I'm terrified of everything. But for some reason it's funny to me that they're scared of
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Never Forget

Okay, so let me tell you about today. This morning, I can't really remember why, or what triggered it, I decided I wanted to know more about 9/11. Sadly, because it happened just at the point where I don't really remember it, I've always been aware of its existence but never really known the full scope of it.  So today, I spent the morning googling the whole thing - I read up on the planes, the rescue operations and President Bush. I watched news coverage of the whole day. I watched the movie United 93 , about the fourth plane that went down in a field in Pennsylvania when the passengers tried to take it back from the hijackers. I watched a documentary called Voices From Inside the Towers all about the victims who called 911, called their loved ones, called their friends and families in the moments before they died.  In total, the four attacks killed 2,996 people and injured 6,000 more, and caused billions of dollars of damage, as well as causing immense terror ac
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Panophobia Chapter 4: Thoughts about Anxiety

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So in the past year of not updating this blog, working, and trying to figure out what's going on in my head, I've had a lot of time to think. Think about who I am, what I want, how to get it, and why I am the way I am. I also spent a lot of time coping with my innermost struggles, and this obviously  involves my anxiety, because what else am I going to use this blog for, if not discussing my mental health? Anyway, during the year, I've taken to writing down the most common thoughts that spring to mind during panic attacks, or stressful moments, or even when everything's fine but I can still feel the anxiety hiding around the corner. So, here are some extracts from the list of thoughts: Is my vision getting worse, or am I just anxious? Stress headache, again. Fun. Stop thinking about it. Just breathe. Count your heartbeats. Am I actually as terrible as I think I am? Wow, I really dislike myself. I have to stop making jokes about suicide, it makes people un
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