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This is where I will post photos from my daily life as it changes and moves forward.

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Panophobia

Panophobia. The fear of everything. Not actually defined in any medical capacity - you can't be diagnosed with Panophobia. But I can tell you now: I have Panophobia. And it's odd because I know people who would roll their eyes, "Yeah, whatever," and I suppose on some level, I understand where that attitude comes from. Yes, I am panphobic, I am afraid of everything, but in some ways I'm not. For example, I personally, rationally, am not afraid of dying, but catch me after watching a horror movie with the urine soaked trousers, and you'll find me of a different opinion. Catch me looking at a shark, same thing. Rationally I am not scared of ANYTHING. But when you talk about fear you're not really being rational, are you? So I have friends who are terrified of snakes, and spiders and scorpions, Oh My! And I roll my eyes, and of course I shouldn't, because I'm terrified of everything. But for some reason it's funny to me that they're scared of...
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Panophobia Chapter 4: Thoughts about Anxiety

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So in the past year of not updating this blog, working, and trying to figure out what's going on in my head, I've had a lot of time to think. Think about who I am, what I want, how to get it, and why I am the way I am. I also spent a lot of time coping with my innermost struggles, and this obviously  involves my anxiety, because what else am I going to use this blog for, if not discussing my mental health? Anyway, during the year, I've taken to writing down the most common thoughts that spring to mind during panic attacks, or stressful moments, or even when everything's fine but I can still feel the anxiety hiding around the corner. So, here are some extracts from the list of thoughts: Is my vision getting worse, or am I just anxious? Stress headache, again. Fun. Stop thinking about it. Just breathe. Count your heartbeats. Am I actually as terrible as I think I am? Wow, I really dislike myself. I have to stop making jokes about suicide, it makes people un...
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Doctor Who?!?!?

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Four hours ago, the announcement was made - the 13th Doctor, Peter Capaldi's successor, the next in a long line of incredible Doctors would be........................ Jodie Whittaker? I like Jodie Whittaker. I liked her in "Broadchurch". I liked her in "St Trinian's". I liked "Tess of the D'Urbervilles". I am not sure I like her for this part. I know, I know, if I DO like her for the part, I am a feminazi who deserves to be flogged, and if I DON'T my feminist instincts tell me I am being a regressive arsehole. Unfortunately, I can't help it. I need to get something straight first. I LOVE DOCTOR WHO . No, see, I don't think you get it - I LOVE Doctor Who . If I hadn't had Doctor Who when I was growing up, I don't think I'd be alive right now to write this - it stopped me from killing myself more than once.  It got me through some of my lowest points, and made some of my highest points even better. When in...
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