All I Want Is Nothing More...
I haven't posted in the past couple of weeks which was very rude of me, but I do have quite a good excuse. I was in New York, and then Reykjavik and have finally touched down in Ingatestone in the UK, where I will be staying for quite a while. Even now though, I cannot settle for at least a month because tomorrow we set off for Belgium and France and Italy.
Before that however, I would like to reflect on some of my travels. This, my gap year that is, was supposed to be for self-reflection and working out what I want to do, and so far it has been nothing but the stress of findings jobs and hating them when I do get them and having the alternate stress of no money if I quit. That is NOT what I set out to do this year. I have an inkling that my gap year might turn into a Gap-two-year-plan... But the real idea was that when I arrived in England and my family went back to Australia, I would have the space and the ability to do this on my own. I absolutely did not expect for it to start while my family was still here.
The tale reads thusly,
I cannot remember every word, but you'll have to trust that this is as accurate as I could make it. While we were in New York, Mum, her fiance David my sister Logan and I took the subway everywhere. New York subways are known for being quite unclean, and there is a community of homeless people who frequent them, which is very sad, and quite confronting. But more upsetting than anything else I saw the entire time we were there was actually during a train ride. As the train left the station a man hopped on. He must have been late twenties, maybe early thirties at a push, and he had dark scruffy hair. His clothes were unkempt and he hadn't shaved in a few days. He was holding what appeared to be a container of half-eaten Chinese food in a plastic bag. I didn't think anything of it to begin with - he was just another nameless passenger on the subway.
Then he stood up.
And he started talking.
"Hey guys. Look, I know this is always uncomfortable for everyone, and I know that people demanding attention on the subway is the last thing anyone wants... I used to be the same... But, uh... Look, a few months back I lost my job and I've been trying to find work, but it's hard, it's really hard, and... look I've got a four year old son. I'm trying to support him, but you know what the government is like - I've filed for a benefit, but they say it's going to take a long while to come through and I've been waiting for months and I just don't have anything left anymore. So all I'm asking is that anyone... if anyone has any food on them? Half-eaten food or muesli bars or something. Even, if anyone has any toiletries or health supplies - tissues or mouthwash or anything that you don't want or need that you think will help, or if anyone is willing to come with me to a chemist? I hate doing this, and I know it's uncomfortable, and if it was just me, I wouldn't, but my son... my son is my responsibility and I can't do enough and... I just... anything that you can offer, anything at all, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much guys."
What struck me was that he didn't ask for money. At all. He didn't even mention it. He just wanted food and health supplies. He just wanted to be able to provide enough for his son. I realised quickly that the container in his hand must have been from a previous train carriage and I wished that I had something to offer, but all I had was my camera and my phone. So I did what so many other people on that carriage did; I avoided his eye contact. The heartbreak and pain was palpable in his voice and I knew that if I made eye contact it would be making a promise I couldn't keep - reassurance without evidence - which would have been devastating. So, like a coward, I averted my eyes while he spoke, I averted them while he walked from the front to the back of the carriage, and while his voice grew louder at my side and faded as he moved behind me. When we hopped off at the next stop, I felt disgusting. I felt as though we, as society, had failed this man and I felt ashamed to be a part of it. It was a huge moment for me, and one that I will never forget as long as I live. Whenever I get too selfish or vain, I will be reminded of that man who wanted nothing more than to get food for his child, and when I feel woefully inadequate, I will channel that negative energy into something positive.
To end this post on a lighter note, I intend to do create a positive goal every week or do something nice for someone, and that is a new segment I will be adding to this blog. This is something for me, but also for anyone who wants to follow along and do it as well, cheesy as that sounds - yeesh.
Song of the Week: Lippy Kids - Elbow
I've been listening to a LOT of Elbow these past two weeks, and all of the albums are spectacular, as are the songs within them, but this song has always struck me as important. It captures what I believe nostalgia feels like, in just a melody and some repeated phrases. Do they know those days are golden? Build a rocket boys...
Movie of the Week: Dancer in the Dark
Not to neglect Iceland in my post this week, this movie is a drama about a Czech girl, a single mother, in America, working in a factory, but she is going blind and she needs to put away enough money for her son before she can't work anymore. It is a musical, but one of an odd kind - the central character is played by Iceland's Number One Export, Bjork, and as such the music is sung in her distinctive style. It is a heartbreaking story about a woman who just wants the best for her son and... shit, we've circled back to New York again haven't we? ALRIGHT GUYS, IT WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR IT'S REALLY GOOD.
Book of the Week: North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell
This book is cheating a little as well, because I'm just using it as a stepping-stone to telling you to watch the four part miniseries created of it. Richard Armitage as John Thornton, be still my aching heart. I am also putting it on the list this week because I am currently writing a fanfiction about it and it's been on my mind a lot lately. A running theme beneath the romance (which is gorgeous by the way - and I am not a fan of romance in literature and movies because it's largely unrealistic and boring) is the plight of the poor in the 1800s and the actions that fathers took to help their children, and the struggle of families to earn enough to get by... well fuck. The theme continues.
Photo of the Week:
Buy a nice outfit or just check yourself out if you catch your reflection while walking down the street. We spend far too long staring at ourselves and critiquing. Do something that makes you feel body positive.
Before that however, I would like to reflect on some of my travels. This, my gap year that is, was supposed to be for self-reflection and working out what I want to do, and so far it has been nothing but the stress of findings jobs and hating them when I do get them and having the alternate stress of no money if I quit. That is NOT what I set out to do this year. I have an inkling that my gap year might turn into a Gap-two-year-plan... But the real idea was that when I arrived in England and my family went back to Australia, I would have the space and the ability to do this on my own. I absolutely did not expect for it to start while my family was still here.
The tale reads thusly,
I cannot remember every word, but you'll have to trust that this is as accurate as I could make it. While we were in New York, Mum, her fiance David my sister Logan and I took the subway everywhere. New York subways are known for being quite unclean, and there is a community of homeless people who frequent them, which is very sad, and quite confronting. But more upsetting than anything else I saw the entire time we were there was actually during a train ride. As the train left the station a man hopped on. He must have been late twenties, maybe early thirties at a push, and he had dark scruffy hair. His clothes were unkempt and he hadn't shaved in a few days. He was holding what appeared to be a container of half-eaten Chinese food in a plastic bag. I didn't think anything of it to begin with - he was just another nameless passenger on the subway.
Then he stood up.
And he started talking.
"Hey guys. Look, I know this is always uncomfortable for everyone, and I know that people demanding attention on the subway is the last thing anyone wants... I used to be the same... But, uh... Look, a few months back I lost my job and I've been trying to find work, but it's hard, it's really hard, and... look I've got a four year old son. I'm trying to support him, but you know what the government is like - I've filed for a benefit, but they say it's going to take a long while to come through and I've been waiting for months and I just don't have anything left anymore. So all I'm asking is that anyone... if anyone has any food on them? Half-eaten food or muesli bars or something. Even, if anyone has any toiletries or health supplies - tissues or mouthwash or anything that you don't want or need that you think will help, or if anyone is willing to come with me to a chemist? I hate doing this, and I know it's uncomfortable, and if it was just me, I wouldn't, but my son... my son is my responsibility and I can't do enough and... I just... anything that you can offer, anything at all, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much guys."
What struck me was that he didn't ask for money. At all. He didn't even mention it. He just wanted food and health supplies. He just wanted to be able to provide enough for his son. I realised quickly that the container in his hand must have been from a previous train carriage and I wished that I had something to offer, but all I had was my camera and my phone. So I did what so many other people on that carriage did; I avoided his eye contact. The heartbreak and pain was palpable in his voice and I knew that if I made eye contact it would be making a promise I couldn't keep - reassurance without evidence - which would have been devastating. So, like a coward, I averted my eyes while he spoke, I averted them while he walked from the front to the back of the carriage, and while his voice grew louder at my side and faded as he moved behind me. When we hopped off at the next stop, I felt disgusting. I felt as though we, as society, had failed this man and I felt ashamed to be a part of it. It was a huge moment for me, and one that I will never forget as long as I live. Whenever I get too selfish or vain, I will be reminded of that man who wanted nothing more than to get food for his child, and when I feel woefully inadequate, I will channel that negative energy into something positive.
To end this post on a lighter note, I intend to do create a positive goal every week or do something nice for someone, and that is a new segment I will be adding to this blog. This is something for me, but also for anyone who wants to follow along and do it as well, cheesy as that sounds - yeesh.
Song of the Week: Lippy Kids - Elbow
I've been listening to a LOT of Elbow these past two weeks, and all of the albums are spectacular, as are the songs within them, but this song has always struck me as important. It captures what I believe nostalgia feels like, in just a melody and some repeated phrases. Do they know those days are golden? Build a rocket boys...
Movie of the Week: Dancer in the Dark
Not to neglect Iceland in my post this week, this movie is a drama about a Czech girl, a single mother, in America, working in a factory, but she is going blind and she needs to put away enough money for her son before she can't work anymore. It is a musical, but one of an odd kind - the central character is played by Iceland's Number One Export, Bjork, and as such the music is sung in her distinctive style. It is a heartbreaking story about a woman who just wants the best for her son and... shit, we've circled back to New York again haven't we? ALRIGHT GUYS, IT WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR IT'S REALLY GOOD.
Book of the Week: North and South - Elizabeth Gaskell
This book is cheating a little as well, because I'm just using it as a stepping-stone to telling you to watch the four part miniseries created of it. Richard Armitage as John Thornton, be still my aching heart. I am also putting it on the list this week because I am currently writing a fanfiction about it and it's been on my mind a lot lately. A running theme beneath the romance (which is gorgeous by the way - and I am not a fan of romance in literature and movies because it's largely unrealistic and boring) is the plight of the poor in the 1800s and the actions that fathers took to help their children, and the struggle of families to earn enough to get by... well fuck. The theme continues.
Photo of the Week:
Positivity Goal of the Week: Be body positive towards myselfJacinta and I at the airport before I left for New York. Not in frame, but just as important: Clare, Kelly, Benita, Dad, Leanne.
Buy a nice outfit or just check yourself out if you catch your reflection while walking down the street. We spend far too long staring at ourselves and critiquing. Do something that makes you feel body positive.
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